Drawing a Line in the Sand

Yep. I'm doing it. I'm "taking" a side. I feel I've weeded through the doubts, the hopes, etc and have gotten to my motherly intuition.

I'm not saying I can't be wrong, I'm just saying I have a very strong feeling.

I have a very strong feeling the family I've always thought I would have, will be. Ever since I was a little girl daydreaming of my knight in shining armor, our wedding, our home, and our children. My knight was always: Caucasian, blond hair, blue eyes, and "nerdy" (sorry Dom ;p). My aunt will attest to this. I haven't had my wedding and we are definitely not in my dream home. But as a child; I've always saw myself with two boys and a girl.

And that is what I believe September will bring. A little girl.

I've been trying to stay away from saying this aloud. I feel like if I do have a son, maybe he will feel like he wasn't wanted. This is definitely not true. I would love him just as I love his handsome brothers.

I just have this feeling that is oh so strong that we're having a girl. I knew the boys were boys. I just knew it. Even though I never said it aloud to anyone because I was secretly still hoping for a girl. I knew in my heart, and my womb that I was carrying a son. I have that feeling this time. Though I feel our daughter is growing ever so strongly in there.

I have to catch myself sometimes. When I'm talking to people, or typing a message/blog post I catch myself thinking/saying she. Sometimes I'll catch the thought and say he. Just to "prepare" myself for another son. Because it is a reality, I could be having another one, and I didn't want to ignore that. I want to embrace it. Even though I think we're having a girl, I will not completely ignore the fact that we could have another rambunctious little boy.

Last night I had the most vivid dream. Dom and I had an "unassisted"(the MWs were sleeping. lol.) birth. We hurried and swaddled the baby, woke everyone up, and asked Vinny to announce if he had a little brother or sister. Vinny was too shy to say anything, he would look away and whisper(which is so Vinny when he's put on the spot!). So Dom and I unraveled the baby and announced that it was a girl! I couldn't believe how beautiful she was. I wonder if she will look the way I pictured in my dream. She was a mini me: Brown curly hair, big brown eyes, and a darker complexion than the boys.

I've also had another dream where we went in for a sonogram. I was questioning why I was there. I kept saying "but I didn't want any ultrasounds this pregnancy!". Then this lady figure appeared and said "Congrats it's a girl.". I began crying. I kept repeating " But I didn't want to know the sex. I wanted it to be a surprise. Why would you tell me that.". After telling Dom about this dream he said something that was very unlike him... He said maybe it was our daughter visiting me in my dream. That made my heart so happy. I know if I happen to be wrong, and September brings another handsome son, I have a daughter waiting for me.

I've had a few more dreams, but those two were the most vivid.

I noticed the other day while trying to shop for baby clothes; I just wasn't happy with any boy clothes I found. None of them felt "right" no matter how cute I thought they were. But I could spend hours in the girl section just imagining a little girl twirling in every thing I touched.

This is my guess. I've said it. I feel like I'm having a girl. *takes deep breath* I said it!